Just feeling lonely

Just feeling lonely after a long amazing weekend. I got to spend the whole weekend with Debbie and Megan. It was definitely fun. I feel like I’ve come back down to earth to get along with my normal day to day life. It seriously feels like it was just a dream. I mean two amazing women, granted we’re just friends but it’s as though I had a glimpse of heaven, and now I’m back here on earth wondering how I’m ever going to end up with an amazing woman like Debbie or Megan. They’re not the only amazing women in my life or anything.

I’ve thought a lot lately about the amazing women in my life and how much better I am for having known them. My mom and Debbie are foremost in my mind, but when I think of anything good that I am it is simply a shadow of the woman that helped me become it. After a weekend like this I have realized more and more just how much of a waste my life would be without the women in my life. In a way it kinda depresses me cause I know more then ever that I need to get married to really progress, and I feel like I’m as far away from that as I have ever been.

Today I was very sad, I guess that whole plummet from heaven was just rough. I went back to work and it was busy and just nothing like that awesome weekend. It’s the kind of sad that makes you tired, and yet you know you’ll wake up sad too. It’s just hard, no way around it.

I mentioned this in an earlier entry but I think I’ll mention it again. I have this whole list of people that fall into this list of people I love. I’d do anything for them, seriously. When I am around them I feel great. I love being with my family and with friends like Debbie. That’s the awesome part, but when I leave I always feel sad, a bit of heartbreak really. It’s stupid but I feel lonely, sometimes more then other times. It’s not always too bad, but it’s really hard this time for some reason. I just feel lonely. I barely made it through today honestly, I almost lost it when I started work. That’s just life I guess. I’m just sick of feeling lonely.

As if that’s not enough I have these awesome dreams that I’m with someone who loves me and wants me. It’s great, until I wake up. I have so much changing lately I really shouldn’t worry about this so much. I’m moving in with a whole new set of roommates and that’s pretty scary to me right now, of course I’m feeling so sad and flat out scared of where I’m going that everything is scary to me right now. I’m just glad I’ve accepted this move without being forced into it.

Well I’m tired, I just need sleep. Maybe this time I’ll wake up happy. Wow I’m depressing today.