Bitterness is good

I still feel the need to vent, so here goes. I'll try to keep everybodies anonymity here so the first girl will be known as crazy girl, and the second girl will be known as the second girl.

So I did ask out crazy girl, but admittedly after being with her I remembered there was definetely no potential there. We're friends and so the "date" felt like we were just hanging out since we were both talking about other love interests on the "date." Anyways I find out later that she got mad that the "date" wasn't much of what she felt a "date" should be. Well I felt bad so I tried to make it up to her, and the problem with crazy girl is that everything I do to make it up to her comes across to her as me liking her. I told her I'd take her out again to make up for it, and admittedly I can see how crazy girl would take this the wrong way, but I was simply doing it to make it up to her. When I did this she played the "you know were just friends" card on me.

This gave me good reason to pause and contemplate the whole ordeal. "Wait a freaking second!" I said to myself, "If she thinks we're just friends and nothing else why in the hell does she care that we had a hang out night instead of a date?" She's obviously a girl and as such crazy is a good label for this girl. It pisses me off because she got mad over nothing and now thinks I'm stalking her or something. I could go on forever but I won't, it should suffice to say that she acted like a stupid girl and it pisses me off.

Now for second girl. I asked her out mostly because I wanted to keep on trying in the dating field because I felt like it was the right thing to do, and because I thought it would be fun to get to know her better. After dropping her off after our first (and only) date I realized I definetely wasn't ready for this. However I figured I'd ask her out again to get to know her better and see how things went. So I called and asked her out again and she said she was cool with hanging out but nothing more. This erked me a bit, but second girl didn't piss me off like crazy girl. I actually appreciate girls that are honest like this, it saves us guys a lot of long term grief. However at this time it was kind of demoralizing to hear it right after crazy girl went crazy on me.

I won't go into the Holly thing since I've talked about it a ton already. I think it should be sufficient to say that I'm still hurting over this. It is for this reason and the other two (crazy girl and second girl) that I have decided to take a big fat (opera singing) break from dating. This means no dating, no liking girls, even if they like me (if I find that I might like a girl I'll remember all the pain and misery all the girls I've dated have put me through and talk myself out of it). To help this I'll be carrying around a big fat bucket of bitterness.

Bitterness comes in handy in cases like this. Being bitter will help keep me resolved to stick to my plan. Sure it will probably come back to haunt me later, but that's later and not now. I'll probably be spending a lot of time hanging out instead of dating, but in my defense I've given the latter a go and had no luck. I'm also going to dedicate more time to some of my writing projects.

I hope this post doesn't result in any lectures. I know some people will think I have a bad attitude, and you know what, you're right! I do have a bad attitude, I figure it'll be a nice change of pace from the good attitude I've had for so long. At least I think I had a good attitude, anyways that's the way things are. I'd love to hear what you think about it.