Reflecting on the past

It's interesting that I'm so interested in the changes I want out of life right now and all that I want to do and yet I'm so reflective on the past lately. I will drive down roads I used to live on when I'm on my way home from here or there just to think about where I was and where I am now. The new playlist on my site is an ongoing effort to gather up music that reminds me of someone, something, or some time in my life in the past. I'm trying to avoid digging for it because that almost ruins it.

Every song on this list reminds me of something in my past. I'll be honest, I put in songs I don't like just because they remind me of something in my past. Some of these songs hurt too, it's almost funny that I'm dwelling on the past with so much force that it often pokes old wounds. I wonder if I just can't move on without some kind of reflection or closure. Maybe I just need to know where I was to know where I really want to go. I don't really feel stuck or anything like that.

If you were here with me and one of these songs came on I could tell you a story for each one. I could tell you about a girl who I loved, the heartbreak that probably followed it. I could tell you about the best summer of my life, the hopes of a naive kid in high school. I could tell you about how great it felt to have a summer away from school to hang out with my friends. I could tell you about the freedom me and my brothers felt when my mom would take us on drives to get away from my dad before the abuse came out. I could tell you about how so many of these memories hurt at least a little bit, and I don't really know why.

These songs really get me emotional. I'll have to avoid this playlist while I'm at work.