Ping pong weather

I feel like my emotions match the weather lately. It gets warm and the hope of spring blooms in my heart, only to be blown away by winter clouds. I keep on hoping the weather will stay warm so I can go play frisbee or go for a hike, but I wake up and find snow on my car and it dashes my spirits.

Since Hilarie left I've done my best to keep myself distracted, and yet the more she's gone the more strongly I realize I love her and want to be with her. I have these serious doubts about how she'll feel when she gets back. She has been gone for two weeks and I have not heard from her yet. I know this has more to do with military restrictions while she is in boot camp then with anything else. I just miss her.

I've kept myself busy while she's been gone. I have started a workout routine which I keep at a fairly hard pace, but it feels good knowing I'm not sitting around waiting for her to come home. I've done awesome at work and found a new pace there too which is very fulfilling for me.

I still miss her a lot. I know I have so many imperfections and things I want to be better at, for me more then her, although ultimately for us together. I've felt a bit of emptiness my whole life and lately I've realized that I was missing a woman in my life. That woman is Hilarie for me now. I'm glad I have some time to really prepare myself for the awesome task of being her husband, but at times I wish it was over and we were together. Still, the best part of a road trip is often the drive.