I'm stunned

It's funny cause I saw it coming and yet the way it happened caught me very very off guard. Hilarie is pissed about something, and for the life of me I can't figure out what. We had a texting conversation where she went off about how mad she was but never said why and flat out refused to talk to me about it. I told her I wanted to understand why, she refused to tell me. She said she would write me a letter. Apparently I asked for her to just talk to me one too many times and she called it off.

I wrote out the texting conversation and had some friends I trust read it to tell me what they thought. I guess the thing that stuns me most is how mad she is. I honestly don't know why. I am trying my hardest to figure it out but I have no idea. It's odd that she is so mad and she feels so justified, and yet she refuses to tell me why? It's like she's afraid of being wrong. The one reason she gave me for being mad when I was with her last week wasn't even my fault. I explained that to her but I'm not sure she believed me. Jaci summed it up pretty well, she thinks Hilarie is just mad because I'm not a civilian, although I doubt she realizes that's the real reason.

So ... yeah. I guess I'll just wait for answers. I think it's pretty chicken shit to break up with your fiance, not explain why, and refuse to talk to him. I can't think of too many things more cowardly then that personally.

I want you all to understand that I'm pretty damn angry but I am still trying to be patient with her and understand why. I told her several times that I just want to understand why. I just want to understand where she's coming from, because until I do I'm just left where I'm at thinking she's a crazy super bitch, and I don't want to leave it at that. I don't think that's the case. I kind of think she's just built up a few problems in her head until they blew out of proportion. The things she got mad about while I was down there seemed minor to me. Things like drinking soda and not eating a plate full of vegetables. She's kind of gotten snotty about her health.

From all of the confusion, misunderstandings and arguments I'm still left with one question. Why? I may never get an answer to that question. To me not knowing leaves two people with nothing in one way or another. I want to learn from this as much as I can. I've taken a lot from the last week anyways so I'm pretty glad I went down with her parents and sister. Even though the Hilarie side of things sucked, I felt like I got a lot out of it. Especially the trip home.

Currently my stomach feels very empty. Probably cause I'm due for dinner. Through a lot of this I didn't so much have Hilarie on my mind as I did other people. It's weird how things work sometimes.