For Jaci

So this is one of those times when I feel like I need to turn off the tv, and the video games and just connect with myself again. It’s really all Jaci’s fault, thanks Jaci! It’s really a good thing though.

I’ve started a new year with new goals in mind. I won’t say what they are, but so far I’m doing well. I’ve quit caffeine again, soda in general I should say. I’ve had a lot of headaches because I think I have been drinking too much of it, and I figure cold turkey or nothing. I feel a lot better after almost a week without it.

Oh, and I have a date this week too. We’ll have to see how that goes, but I’m excited. I think it will be a lot of fun. I’ve been working from home a lot lately, and work has been slow. I want to read again like I used to. I did pretty good on Monday and Tuesday with this goal and finished a book I’ve been wanting to read for a long time now.

I need to get back to school. I’ve decided even if it might be typical and not be the best paying job I should major in history and minor in some science. I love history and it’s the one thing I think I could teach that I’d love. That’s one of the goals, get back to school and make something of myself. Writing more is too and just so you know (Jaci) I was going to write today anyways so :-P.

I’m trying to connect with that side of my brain that comes up with things to talk about, the metaphors and such. In the book I just finished there was this part where they were going from this pandamentional time vortex back to normal space as we know it. When that happened they were able to see people in their past that they loved and admired, people they missed. It was interesting to read that and then stop and think about all the people in my life that I love both present and past. My family is all still here but so many friends have disappeared. Brandon Pierce was a great friend, but once he quit work with me I lost touch. I miss him. There are others too, friends from high school.

I’ve made a point of staying in touch with my dad. I see him once a week on purpose. I used to see my mom once a week too. I am on the phone right now attempting to fix it so I can see her once a week as well. I figure when that time comes I can look back and know I did my best to love them and let go of any hurt they may have caused. I just wonder if there is anybody else in my life I could mend things with or do better with staying in touch with.

Life is so crazy, every moment is an instant with potential, and yet I see myself letting moments slip by thinking that they’ll come again. Sometimes they do come again, and others just slip away. The best example I can think of is dating. When I meet a girl I think I could ask out I normally don’t, I just don’t have enough nerve to do it. It usually slips away, because you normally don’t get a 2^nd chance with things like that. I obviously didn’t let things slip away this week, but that’s cause I’m smart enough to learn from my mistakes, at least I damn well hope so!

I guess at this point I just have to focus on the small steps towards my goal, lest the goal itself overwhelm me. I do have lofty goals. I still have confidence that it’ll all work out, however I don’t see having things “work out” as a picture perfect happy ending, I figure the happy ending is up to the Lord and what he has in mind for me. My idea of having things “work out” is accepting his will, even if it isn’t what I was hoping for.

Ok there it is. I hope you’re all satisfied. I’m going to try to keep up more often.