Holly

So I am dating this girl named Holly. I wouldn't say that things are too serious yet, even though I'd be ok if they were. She just turned 20 today. We have had a lot of fun together. The thing I like about her the most is that she laughs a lot. She's got a great smile too. I have really enjoyed being with her and getting to know her. She's different then anybody else I've ever dated before, and that is a very good thing.

Everytime I date a girl and really like her I have to deal with issues from my childhood. I have abandonment issues, and issues with feelings of rejection. I took a big step with Amy, and I'm doing even better with Holly. I decided that I want to work through these issues so that they won't have a negative affect on my marriage.

I talked to my mom about it and I even talked to my dad about it today. He is part of the cause for some of these issues. I forgive him of course but I still wanted to talk to him about it. I felt like the reason things went bad was because I was not good enough. Even though I know that is not true I have internalized it that way. He told me in unequivical terms that it was not my fault. He loved me as a child and his mistakes were no reflection on his love for me.

It's weird how complicated simple things can get when there is abuse involved. I just think you should all know that for some of us it takes a lot of effort just to feel normal. It's not always easy to smile and laugh, but I have had to learn how to do it just to survive. For people like me and my brothers and so many other people like us who have been through abusive situations life is not always hard. Me and my brothers have made the decision to make the best with what we are given no matter what. Some people that have been through the same kind of situation are quicker to feel sorry for themselves then they are to learn from their experience. I have always tried to make the best of every situation I've been put in. That decision has made all the difference. It hasn't made life easy, but I have learned and grown a great deal because of it, and through the healing power of the atonement I have been able to overcome a great many things in my life.

I'm glad that I am able to be with someone as cool as Holly, and I really hope that things work out. But even if things don't work out I know that I'll be fine becuase I will make the best of whatever situation I am in.