Updates

I guess I’m getting bummed about the dating scene not working out like I want. Although admittedly it’s better then it has been. I have wanted to ask this girl who is in the ward that just split off from my ward. I was talking to her on Sunday all geared up to get her number when I found out she was 30 years old. She’s as old as my oldest brother and it totally through me off. I tried not to let it show, and I had to think about it. I’m afraid of dating younger girls that are younger for fear that they might be too immature to handle some of the things I just take with ease, yet I was afraid of an older girl. I thought about it (and not even for very long at that) and decided that I am going to ask her out. Honestly who cares if she is older, I’m younger. If she can live with that then I can live with her being older. I guess what really matters isn’t our ages, it’s our character. I feel like an idiot, but I suppose if I’m able to go out with her we’ll figure out if it’s do able or not.
So other then being kind of an idiot I’ve been doing well. Christmas just got over and I’m still working on dealing with my post Christmas blues. It’s just hard to get back to real life after spending so much fun time with my family. I love those crazy people so much. I have made it an annual tradition to write letters to everybody in my family and usually a close friend as well. I wrote Debbie and all the couples in my family a letter. It’s usually a little anti climatic. It’s not quite like seeing a kid open a gift, but there are moments when it is totally worth it. My mom and Tony said they thought I was a good writer. I suppose it’s easy to write well when you have so much to give back to those you are writing to. Lindy read her letter and she gave me a big hug and thanked me saying, “I really needed to hear that.” I tried to have the spirit when I wrote the letters and getting such a great hug from my sister in law was awesome.
I think one of my talents is that I can relate to people. I’m not great at making friends when I don’t have a comfort zone initially though. However once I get to know somebody, even just a little bit, I can really get them to open up and talk. I love that I feel like I have so many good friends. Granted, I’m not everybody’s best friend, but I feel like I’m a good friend to a lot of people. If I could say nothing else about myself, then I would be proud to say that. I think of my grandma who knew so many people. I was astonished at how many people came to my grandma’s funeral. How could somebody have possibly known this many people, and most of them very well? My mother is the same way. I wonder if it wasn’t something of a blessing to have been raised by just my mother for so long. I think a lot of the tenderness wore off on me because she was the only parent where it probably would not have if my parents had been together. It’s funny where you can find blessings when you really look for them.
I think the best part of the whole weekend was the kids. I love to hold Sydney. It’s almost embarrassing to admit it, but I seriously want to have kids. I know that I have other things to do first, but I’m seriously excited about being a father someday. It’s going to be awesome. I don’t want you to think I’m naïve and that I think it’ll all be fun and games. I know better! However, I think that it will be a trial to have children and that it will stretch me in some ways that I (everybody) need stretching.
I guess right now it’s just that I’m the only person I really take care of. I just want my life to be about somebody other then myself. It’s not that I’m unselfish, I still am a lot of the times. I just want to have some deeper meaning in my life, besides we’ve been commanded to replenish the earth. Anyways, As already discussed I’m working on that project as best as a clueless 24 year old bachelor can.
I feel so much older then I am, and yet I fight the things that make me feel less so. How can I be this old when I have so much childhood in me? I feel juvenile in some of my thinking, and yet who is it that can really cure this? Or, should it be cured? Maybe some of my naïve thinking should be left alone, since it’s not always bad to have such thoughts. I get into this mode of writing where I don’t think before I write. It comes out almost as quickly as it comes into my brain. I’m in that mode. You can take all of this for what it’s worth. Which I often think isn’t much, but it sure is a great way to fill up a page or two quickly.
So along the thought of filling up a page quickly I’m still on that mode of typing. I think the foremost thing required when you’re writing is that you have to really love what you are talking about. That is why those Christmas letters were so easy to write. That is not to say that I did not put any effort into them. I certainly did. I revised most of them several times over and carefully considered how the recipient of those letters would interpret what I said to each of them. It may have only been a letter, but it was the best gift I could give.
Personally I love letters. I love that you have a written record of what somebody has told you. You can always go back and reflect on it time and again. I don’t usually hold much back, but I still reserve a few things for special moments. I like to let it out when I write these letters. It’s just great to be able to tell somebody you love them and to reflect on what they mean to you in a letter to them.
I read something from a general authority once where he said that it was good for his marriage when in his couple prayers with his wife he thanked heavenly father for his wife. Think of that, you are expressing gratitude for your spouse to your heavenly father when she can hear you. I think it’s a totally awesome way to show your loved one appreciation. I’m going to do that when I get married. Its funny how many things we hope we can do, but we are so limited in our memory. Our memory is so much shorter then our foresight. Its kind of sad when you really think about how that affects our potential.