Wasting time

Well the title came from the first song that came on when I starting writing. It kind of matches my thoughts tonight so there you have it. It’s a Dave Matthews song, the title is actually stay (wasting time).

I wrote an old friend today that I haven’t talked to since high school. It’s weird trying to summarize all that it is I haven’t done since high school. I told him two completely random pieces of information that I’m sure you’ll find interesting. First is that since high school I’ve lived in 12 different places and thus moved on average once every 7 months. In that time I’ve live with 42 different people. It's kind of depressing having moved so much.

So I had a bad day today. Work is just frustrating and there are so many things that just need changing in my life, I'm working on those changes but there are so many things I want that just feel completely outside my control. Dating for one thing, it’s a pain and I just want to find the right person and be done already.


Whenever I drive home from hanging out with friends or family I have these great drives home. It’s better during the summer when you can roll the window down and feel the cool air. I turn the radio on and just enjoy my thoughts mixed in with my music, and usually my prayers for good things in my life. They’re lonely drives most of the time. I think of all that it is I can be. I have some changes coming up in my life very soon, big changes. These are things that have needed to happen for a while, but they’re pretty scary.

It’s funny that I ask for good things and so often don’t help myself get them. I’m so afraid of change that I don’t even make the changes that I need to in order to make those positive changes in my life.

So in my prayers on the way home tonight I just told him I’ll do what I need to do. Heavenly Father wants me to move on and let him mold me into something. I’m not sure what but I know what I need to do right now and that’s all that matters. It’s all random gibberish to me, or so it seems sometimes.

I just want to be done with this phase of my life. I’m so sick of it, honestly! I don’t want to turn into one of those married people that completely forgets how bad it sucks either. It seems like so many people completely forget it. My brother Brad for example, he’s just an idiot about things sometimes. One of these days I’ll have to inform him about this more fully. It’ll be best if I just tell him to shut up and leave it at that. I won’t go into details, but he has no tact most of the times, the stupid *&%$. Fortunately he doesn’t read my blog so no worries about hurting anybodies feelings :-D.

Well this has been a random one. I have to say that my eyes are sagging so I’m going to bed. For those of you who read this blog often enough to get this, thank you. You are my best friends, not that you’re not my friend if you don’t read, but you definitely are one of them if you do.