Life is a big &^%$#@ never ending loop

Yeah that's right, or so it feels. You can pretty much guess what I mean, things are officially over with Camilla as of a few minutes ago. It ended really well and all though and it's highly likely we'll stay really good friends.

It's pretty damn frustrating being in the same place again and again and again. I guess the last few girls I've dated have ended well. This time I really feel like I was here to help Camilla learn some things. I know that sounds cocky. She was really good for me too. It's hard not to feel like it was all pointless though. The craziest thing is she really likes me even still. She just prayed about it and ended up feeling like it wasn't meant to be. It's interesting and very different from how I do things. I just felt good about it so I went with it. She however has something in her patriarchal blessing that says to get a confirmation so she has.

Camilla is an amazing woman. I am actually pretty sad it won't be. The fact that there are lots of fish in the sea is just depressing to me. I guess at this very moment it doesn't hurt as bad as it has in the past, but it's the kind of thing that keeps on creeping back and reminding you to feel sad over and over and over again.

I feel like going on but the point is it didn't work out and I'm sad now. Camilla kept saying things like "I'm sure the next girl will be the right one" and I had to let her know she'd feel differently after 8 more years of dating failures.

The sad thing is my #1 concern before heading home was making sure she wasn't worrying about me. She's emotionally sensitive and I really think she needs to worry about taking care of herself emotionally first. I made sure she was feeling ok about the whole thing ... how weird is that? I'm the nice guy to the end. Nice guys really do come in last, it's just who I am though. I probably sound like I think a lot of myself, it's just that I know who I am and I am confidant.

No need for consoling thanks. Btw who even reads this thing any more? I know I haven't updated it much this year.