Who?

So I'm on the way home tonight from being with friends. I don't want to just go home and waste the night away like I often do, I want to do something. So I call my best friend to see if she wants to go roller skating, more or less on a whim. She didn't answer so I left a voicemail, I only just remembered that she's in Idaho this weekend.

I felt lonely at the prospects of maybe not doing anything tonight. Then I asked myself, "If you could be with anyone right now who would it be?" How pathetic is it that I don't have answer. I have no idea who I'd like to be with at any given moment.

If you have an answer to that question and it is your companion then count yourself blessed. I've found that I make plans but to one degree or another I feel like I'm settling. It's sad that I'm so out of love with everyone and everything in my life. I suppose it's just a phase, but this week has been pretty sad for me. I don't know for sure why though. At any rate despite having a kind of drab week I have a lot of hope for the future and its possibilities.

I'm trying to find more fulfillment in my life right now. The things that use to keep me amused and that I loved to do are not so fulfilling any more. It's actually a good thing because I didn't do much before and I am now wanting to do more with myself. At any rate I'm doing well, a bit sad though. It's always good to go through a sad phase now and again.